When people talk about leadership, the first thing that comes to mind is the politicians. Or it could be some bosses that they might have known somewhere in their walks of life. I bet many of us consider leaders are the people who have close contacts with us, regardless of the type of relationships we are having. Talking about leadership, I try to recall back on when was the last time I feel so inspired and passionate about some sort of leadership stories. Sadly, it was none. But to tell the truth, we do not have to look that far to have someone to inspire us.
I would relate my stories with the word love. As I am writing this piece of entry, nothing that I could feel or think of except of my feelings. When I think what matters the most in my life, I would say love. Yes, love. It is my love towards my son, my husband and both of our family (mine and my husband’s) of which I feel truly blessed with these entire godsends. There a many people that could be mentioned here in my writing in regard to love, but someone for sure that I would write about now is my mother. Her determination that she had put forth in her 59 years of life, has given me so much privilege and mileage.
I came from a small, middle-income family. My mom was a divorcee when I was still a little girl. I was only three years old when my dad left us. To put it, I never felt anything close to love from a dad because mine was gone long, long time ago. Being the only child in the family, that does not mean I am a spoilt brat but some of my friends back in the school years used to call me that and knew nothing about each other. I went to the all-girl school which was located in the heart of Kuala Lumpur and most of the girls in the school either came from wealthy families or from high profiles parents. While most of them would came to school with their drivers driving the Mercedes, BMW or any other expensive car brands, I on the other hand took the school bus which made me had to wake up as early as 5am during the schooling days to avoid the traffic. Hassle? Yes, indeed. But somehow, along the way I was growing up in that school, it had thought me that life was never easy and it will never be easier when I am older.
Coming back to my mom (since this entry is about leadership and I have chosen to write about her), she on the other hand would always be there to support me regardless of anything. Maybe that was because we only have each other and nothing more. I always feel bad about me not having a dad, unlike other families that I know. And being a mother it made her realized that I was miserable because of it. What she would do most of the time was talking to me, trying to understand me more even though she was busy with her own life. I remember back then that she used to be on double shift at the office and also worked part time in a restaurant. It was all because she had to cover for our expenses and also to accommodate to my needs. I was left alone at home when she had to be at work but she never forgot to prepare everything before she left. Being a child, nothing that I understood at that point of time on what was going on.
I was an active student back in school. Participated in school netball team, played in the school band and captain of the school cheerleading team made me sometimes restless and needed to skip school, especially on Wednesday, because I hated the Geography class, and Friday, because I found that PE (Physical Exercise) class was not important. I would just sit at home and listened to my music and watched television. Without to her knowledge at first that I was missing from school for some days, she urged me to tell her the truth if I was skipping school. I lied. I told her that I went to school as normal. The next thing I know, she slapped me on the face for lying to her. I was so angry with what she did and we did not speak to each other for a week. Another incident which she had caught me lying for the second time, we argued big time. We were screaming at each other and I was slamming everything that my hands could touch. Be it the telephone, video player or door, just name it. Everything was thrown to the floor because we were argued over something silly. She prohibited me from going out with my friends just because they came from wealthy families. Not understanding and knowing her real intentions for doing that, I in the end kicked her on the stomach and left the house.
When I came to my senses at around 3am, I returned home and went straight to bed. She came to my room, thinking that I was asleep (which I was not) and sat by the bed. She was rubbing my face and kissed me on the forehead while she said something that broke me into tears. She said that she would always love me no matter what I did to her and all she needed me to do was for me to apologize to her about the incident which had caused her a serious pain. She lastly said that all she did was because she loved me very much and she mentioned something about having a good discipline was crucial in life. I always thought that she always had something to argue with me about, to stop me from doing the things that I love, and that all happened because she just did not want to see me happy. I believe that the real issue back then was us not speaking and understanding each other and did not realizing it.
Now, being alive in this world for almost three decade and being married to my husband and having a son, I finally understood on why my mother did what she did all the years I was growing up. It was all because of love. Her love to me is more than money could buy and she does want to see me happy. She used to say that I won’t be able to understand what she had done to me that I could only get it after I had my own children. And yes, she was right. And she was right all along. I finally understand her behavior towards me were all because she wanted to see me drawing my lines and becoming a successful person in my life and not ending my life like typical wealthy children, spoilt brat.
Life has been better in terms of my relationship with my mother. She had proven (at least to me) that it is very important for every individual to be a leader, be it a leader to a small family or some other kind. She proved that leadership has to be trained and in order to have it, takes years of hardship and determination. If only she did not do what she had done to me, I will not be able to be at the top or reached whatever that I have reached in my life so far. I have wasted much of my time for not listening to her on any grounds and for that I appreciate every single time being with her now. It was enough for me to ignore her during those times and now I want to make it up to her by taking care of her and spending the time I have with her. I can’t afford to break her heart anymore as I did the last time. She had sacrificed a lot for my own good that she neglected hers. As we all know, nothing could ever replaced all the good deeds that was done by our mothers but still, that does not mean that we can just simply shut them out of our lives.
All the good teaching that she had taught me about, be it her own determination and leadership story in her own way in bringing up a child, I must say that I adore my mother so very much and I truly am sorry for all the wrong I had caused her. Every single thing that I done now, I would relate it to my mother and remember the things that she had said and done. I never thought that I would relate to her story for a leadership entry in someone’s blog, but indeed, it is worth sharing. My mother has always been there to inspire me but regret, it is only now that I realized that she is in fact some sort of leadership story.
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